Divorce is hard. Besides the actual legal parts of the process, you don’t realize how much a relationship changes your mindset and changing your mindset to a better one once you’re through the thick of it can be a process. Trust me, I know!
One of the hardest things for me in the post-relationship phase of my life was going from a WE mindset to a ME mindset. I was married for decades and raised two, beautiful children into the successes they are today. For well over 25 years, I had a WE mindset. My decisions were based on my family’s needs. I put others before me my entire adult life.
There I was, after the divorce, and I didn’t even know how to have a ME mindset anymore. I forgot how to choose myself. Quite honestly, I forgot what I enjoyed doing. It was paralyzing for a bit and I had so many questions.
Just how much of my life was wrapped up in doing what my ex-husband wanted to do?
Did I actually enjoy any of it?
Or did I settle for that too?
A ME Mindset Takes Time
I had to figure out what I liked again, but even that was a process. At first, It was easier for me to tell myself what I didn’t like to do. It had been so long… would I still enjoy doing the things I could remember liking at one point?
I’ll admit, I struggled for a while. If you find yourself there, it’s okay.
You are not alone. Don’t beat yourself up.
I used to keep asking myself, “Why am I still in this place?” I didn’t think it should take me this long to figure out who I was again. But you know what? Sometimes we are our own worst enemies and judging myself for how long it was taking didn’t help have a ME mindset.
It takes all of us the “right” amount of time. There is no set amount of time to process anything. We are all individuals and we do things at our own pace and in our own way. What works for one, won’t necessarily work for another.
All that matters is that we are processing in a healthy way.
How to Know You’ve Changed
If you are feeling stuck and out of touch with yourself, check out the other resources on my website for more inspiration and encouragement. When you are ready to move forward, you will know.
How will you know? You just start thinking in a ME mindset again. It’s that simple. One day everything just clicks again. You will wake up and do what YOU want to do. Maybe that’s a morning workout. It could be planning a girl’s night for later in the week. If you’re like me, it’s treating yourself to some ice cream for dinner. Hey, I’m not perfect!
You will have victories and you will have defeats. When you start learning from your defeats, you will find it is easier to stay present for the victories. When you can stay with the victories longer than the defeats, you are well on your way. Soon, you will have fewer and fewer defeats and you will be constantly winning. That is when you know you have survived.
Don’t think that there won’t be any more defeats. Ha! I wish. But the defeats will have less and less impact on you and you will bounce back from them sooner than you used to.
The ME mindset… it’s a glorious place to be after any relationship. Now, I am very intentional when it comes to a ME mindset. A ME mindset is not selfish. It is self-caring and self-compassionate. You can have a ME mindset and still do things for others. It just means that you will no longer serve others at the cost of YOU.
How YOU Can Have a ME Mindset
My advice to you is focus on getting to a ME mindset as soon as possible.
Acceptance is the first key.
Believing is the next key.
It is all about you! Believe you are deserving! Know you are capable! Keep telling yourself that every day until you are there.
Want to know how to keep yourself in a positive mindset every day?
Daily affirmations and gratitude journaling were very much a part of my healing journey and I recommend them to everybody. There were days I didn’t want to do anything. But, when I reflected on the good things in my life, I accepted better things into my life. I started my day with affirmations and ended my day with my gratitude journal. I made it a habit to create change in my life.
I had to tell myself that I was stronger than that. Yes, I deserved better than that. I was capable of more than that. I loved myself more than that. And life was better and was going to continue to be better for me. Let me tell you that once you believe it, you accept nothing less.
Live life on your terms!